Night of the Living Sue
by bluedog96
Summary: The Doctor and Donna encounter an unusual plethora of young girls who all seem to know how to fly the Tardis, tame daleks, and want to get into his pants. It's up to the duo to uncover the insidious disease that seems to be infecting millions of earth girls and boys while avoiding their god-like and impossible abilities.


**Sue Me!**

"So Donna," the Doctor clapped his hands together in glee, "where do ya think we should go next?"

"Some place with lots of sun. Preferably a planet where death isn't waitin' around every corner."

"How about Barcelona? Random year? I never seem to reach Barcelona. Maybe Barcelona in Spain would be a better option. Beautiful city although not nearly as interesting as Barcelona…the planet I mean." The Doctor grinned a yanked down on the lever. The Tardis lurched and the pair latched on to the Tardis as the ship shook. The Doctor grinned, "Better hold on Donna! It's going to be real _rough_ landin'!"

Donna frowned, lurching forward and backwards, and craned her neck around. "Why are you stressing 'rough'?"

"You're about to find out!" The Doctor laughed as sparks flew out of the console and erupted into flame. "Ah so it's one of _those_ landings."

"Oi! Whaddya mean 'one of those landings'? Doctor!" Donna screamed as the Tardis suddenly tilted at a forty-five-degree angle leaving her cradling her railing for dear life. "DOCTOR! The Tardis is on fire and everything's falling!"

"Thank you for the keen observation." The Doctor huffed as he pulled his body on top of the console and attempted to fan the flames. "Hold on tight!" The Doctor grunted and pushed himself near a red lever. He gave it a hard yank and strained to hold it in place. "We're about to do an emergency landing!"

The console let out a series of rapid beeps and twisted sideways again, the door flinging open. The Doctor yelped and hurried over, attempting close the doors and slipped out sideways with a scream.

"Donna! Don't you dare let go!"

"I wasn't planning on it! What about _you_?"

"It's about a thirty-foot drop. I suppose I'll be fine." The Doctor contemplated his statement. "Well, if you consider falling fine. Or breaking a few bones…I'll be fine." The Tardis shot downwards, shaking the Doctor's right hand free from the Tardis. "On the bright side, at least it's only about twenty-five feet now!"

"Quit joking around Doctor!" Donna screeched as the Tardis caught fire again. The machine rumbled and shifted, careening towards the ground at an even faster speed. The Doctor swayed dangerously to the side, wind battering his form, sweaty hand losing his grip on the Tardis as it shot upwards. Too much G-force! He let out a cry as his last fingers lost their grip. Twenty feet had shot up to over a hundred in a second and, suddenly, he found himself free-falling and gazing up at the Tardis as it shot out over the nearby metropolis.

The Doctor closed his eyes, preparing for the inevitable and painful impact. The wind stung his face and tore at his clothes. Of all things, he would be taken out by a little fall in about five or so seconds. Actually, who knew? His time sense was messed up from the rather obvious fear of certain death. He just got this body! He opened his eyes and the good bye to himself, "I don't want to go."

"Well you don't have to!"

Everything stopped. His vision filled with a young girl's form. "W-what?"

"Hello, Doctor."

"Okay. Not that I'm not grateful or anything, but how did you stop my freefall? I going at least a hundred km an hour. The force of impact alone should have drilled you into the ground."

She held a hand up to his lips. "Let's just say I know how?"

"Okay." The Doctor gave momentary pause. Somehow, this girl compelled him not to ask questions about an impossible feat.

"Now," she placed the Doctor back on his feet. "We need to save Donna right? Lucky me, I happened to have my pet lock onto your Tardis's unique dimensional signal."

She grasped his arm and pressed a button on her watch. The duo disappeared in a stream of light to appear on the Tardis careening out of control. "Wait, is that a vortex manipu-"

"-tor?"

"It is! I got it from that hunk Jack Harkness! We're actually dating you know."

"But you can't be older than sixteen!"

"Eighteen actually." She promptly corrected him. "Alright! Time to get this thing back under control!" She ran up to the console and pressed a few buttons instantly righting the Tardis floor and closing the entrance.

"How do you know how to operate MY Tardis?"

"I have my own Tardis."

"I suppose that makes sens—wait a minute! You made me do it again! And how the hell do you have a Tardis?"

"Do what again?"

"Make me agree with you!"

"I didn't make you do anything. You're just getting taken in by my charm." The Doctor paused, lowering an accusing finger. She was right. She _was_ rather attractive. Maybe more attractive than any of his previous companions. The Doctor looked at Donna.

"Oi, you're thinking I'm not attractive aren't you?"

"N-no." Donna raised an eyebrow and turned to the new girl who seemed to have the Tardis under control.

"How about pretty face over their land the Tardis already?"

"I already did." Donna frowned, unamused. "Did it even smoother than your Doctor here." The Doctor said nothing as the girl pulled out a mirror and started gazing at it. How beautiful her multi-colored hair was! Streaks of blue and red mixed in with her natural ebony hair. Heterochromatic eyes stared back—one blue and one red—and she smiled with pink, perky lips. Naturally, her skin was flawless and had all the right moves in all the right places.

"Now I know your attractive and all…but talking to a mirror is a bit narcissistic don't you think?" The Doctor began but the newcomer interrupted him with a shake of her butt. Raven grinned. Yes, even her butt was glorious! "A-are you twerking?"

"My anaconda don't one unless you got buns hun!" She replied in a song. "And do I have some buns for you." She winked and the Doctor blushed, fiercely.

"Are you trying to be funny? Because it's not working. Are you crazy? I think you're crazy. Donna," the Doctor craned his head back, "we got a nut on our hands." Her turned back to the new person and questioned. "What's your name?"

"Raven," Raven purred as she sashayed up to the Doctor, running her hands along her hips. "I know, I'm irresistible."

Donna watched the whole exchange with curiosity. Raven obviously made the Doctor uncomfortable. Even a doornail for a brain could see that! However, even she was drawn in by the feminine mystique surrounding Raven. Hell, it looked like she and the Doctor were about to have sex then and there with the way she made the Doctor interested like no other girl before her. Donna liked her.

Donna grimaced internally when she found herself clapping elation for their budding romance. This was wrong. They barely knew this…this girl who talked to herself in a mirror and could somehow pilot the Tardis with ease. Hell, she even had a Tardis of her own. She had to break free of this!

The Doctor attempted to pull away but his feet seemed to be rooted to the Tardis floor. Those picture perfect lips slowly approached him and, strangely, the Doctor found that he leaned in as well. Raven's lips touched his own and, suddenly, the Doctor knew she was 'the One'. Reciprocating the kiss, deeply, slowly, and with gentle hands he didn't know he was capable off, he came up breathless after a moment.

"I…I think I want to marry you." Raven giggled and attempted to brush the stray lock out of his face making the Doctor giggle as well.

"D-doctor!" Donna spoke, still clapping in excitement for the sudden engagement. Her face told a different story. A nasty grimace had worked onto her face and begun to melt away all signs of joy. "DOCTOR GET AWAY FROM HER! SHE'S A SIREN!"

"YOU BITCH!" Raven screamed and pushed the Doctor away. "How can you say that? At least I won't leave him longing for someone he'll never see again."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Raven sneered at Donna and pulled the love-struck Doctor into her arms. "He's my sweetheart. He'll never regenerate and we'll be the best couple ever!"

Donna let out a strangled growl and lunged at Raven. She weaved out of the way but the distraction was enough. The Doctor snapped into alertness, "Wha-?" as Donna lunged back for him.

"We're getting out of here!"

"B-but I'm getting engaged! I love her! Don't you see how perfect she is?"

"Oh really?" Donna huffed as she dragged the Doctor out of the Tardis. "All I see is a pile of bullocks. All I see it a mish mosh of colors who is also intent on raping you."

"Ah why don't ya just sue me while you're at it? I liked her!" The Doctor huffed and yanked his hand out of Donna's grasp.

"Doctor?"

"Yes?"

Crack! "Snap out of it!"

The Doctor held a hand to his face, eyes spinning in his sockets, "Thanks I needed that."

"Doctor?"

"Yes?"

"Run," Her voice was soft and slowly became more frantic. "RUN!" The Doctor followed her line of sight over the hill. The figurine he saw chilled his bones and stirred the dark beast in his hearts.

"Dalek."

A shriek of indignation rose over the swell of the hill. Raven was furious. Her future had gotten away. Now, anyone of her sisters or brothers could go on the same adventure! Only she was meant for the Doctor. How was Donna not entranced by her? Everyone, _everyone_ , liked her! Even the President of the United States knew her name and loved her!

Quelling her shaking fists, Raven calmed her mind and stroked a hand on the Tardis. "Only I truly know him. He will fall in love with me then my tenth will never have to leave!" Raven concentrated, the vortex of time flowing through her mind. All in good time!

Over the rise, the Doctor ran into yet another strange new girl. Donna glared and pushed the Doctor behind him. "Well aren't your kind all over the place?"

"My kind? Do you mean Time Lords? Or do you mean my Dalek?"

"I'm sorry," the Doctor said, "what?" Disbelief oozed from his voice. What was going on here?

"I'm a Time Lord. The master is my father! My faithful companion on my adventures is a dalek. Don't worry he wouldn't hurt a fly."

Donna snatched the Doctor's wrist and dragged him away from the multi-colored freak. "Doctor, something really weird is going on here."

"You're tellin' me. They're some type of siren creature. And not pretty ones, mind you. More like a nightmare straight out of a Tim Burton film." The Doctor veered to the right dragging Donna along. "I know where we are now. The city of Atlanta shouldn't be too far from here. I suspect that this is some type of temporal disease. Luckily, Atalanta has the CDC."

They followed the road until Atlanta appeared beyond the hillside. Both attempted to wave down a car until an older police car stopped and the window rolled down. The police officer leaned over the edge of the window sill. "You two don't seem to be from around here. Are you lost?"

"Please sir!" Donna said, "We have some nutters after us and we need to get to the closest police station."

"That's a thick English accent you have there. Are you from England?"

"London, actually, but that's not the point. Me an' the Doctor." She motioned to her companion, "need to get somewhere safe. Can you help us?"

"Sure can." He pointed to the back seat. "Hop on in and we'll get going."

 **A/N: This was incredibly fun to write. This is a parody and not meant to be taken too seriously, obviously. After this chapter, I plan on having a lot more references and ridiculous moments. Mainly, I just wanted to point out the absurdity of Mary Sues and play with the characters of the Whoverse at the same time. Best thing is that I can end it when I want easily. Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did writing it!**


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